I Am From---a poem

I am from sand, beaches, and fruit trees,

Thick, lush St. Augustine grasses and tall dark clouds,

The smell of rain and the flash of frequent lightning,

Muggy summers filled with sprinkler play and shark action in the swimming pool,

Yahtzee games, molasses sugar cookies, Looney Tunes and Little House on the Prairie.

Family of four hiking in the North Carolina woods, sliding backwards down the snow-covered hills,

And slipping on slimy rocks in the icy waters of the rushing mountain rivers.

Shades of purple and blue curve across the sky in mountainous peaks.

 

I am from lawnmowers, yard work, and raking pine needles,

Gardening, squawking chickens, and swingsets.

I am from Nancy Drew books, Green-Gabled Anne, and any paper-created imaginative world,

from teaching my classroom of dolls, from an imagination

That allowed me to become Tarzan on my tire swing, beating my chest.

From the support of friends who become family, hosting Fourth of July parties,

Lighting Christmas candles in the sanctuary, and organizing puppet shows.

I am from love.

From mother, father, grandparents, sister, friends.

 

I am from adult responsibilities at a young age, shaping me to work without question,

To listen to authority, and to accomplish tasks without complaint,

To stay busy, to never sit still, and to push to be the best I could be.

I am also from parents who showed me how to be a strong female,

From pushing for all A’s, the valedictorian spot, the All-State clarinet player,

The girl staying up late at night to make that A but never really discovering the joys of youth.

The girl who put up with behavior that was funny at the time but learned later it really wasn’t,

The girl who doubted herself thanks to remarks,

The girl who thought these comments were said in love but learned later they weren’t,

The girl who was told she could never make friends, was “too much” and expected too much,

The girl who did for others and cared for others more than for herself.

 

I am from the classroom, Romeo and Juliet, Invisible Man, and mythology,

Pride gained from the sparking eyes of my students who gained new knowledge,

Joy in helping fellow teachers, planning with them, dreaming big dreams.

I am from Everest-sized mountains of papers, of purple ink, of rows and columns of grades.

From grading in the car, at the doctor’s office, in the choir loft, at football games,

I am from staples, paper clips, folders, spiral notebooks, posters, and bulletin boards.

 

I am from nights spent singing to my sons, spent crying as I held my screaming, colicky baby,

I am from days and nights spent by myself with two little ones, from family 20 hours away,

I am from depression, feeling abandoned in a town where I knew no one,

Separated from my lifelong calling, only to find a new calling working with children.

Years of Vacation Bible School planning, Easter Eggstravaganzas, Children’s Church.

 

I am from a time of confusion and loss, a new life, a new Kim.

From a skunk-inhabited house, from swingsets built in the backyard,

From quiet nights without my sons, crying, worrying, and starting all over.

From worries about what new phone calls I would get with new attacks,

From moments of regret, of fear, of loneliness, of grief, of anxiety, of depression.

From years of therapy to find the new Kim, to find the girl she used to be, to find who she could be.

 

I am from the woman who went half her days without her sons, but treasured each moment ,

From little boy snuggles, giggles, and wrestling matches,

From Avatar The Last Airbender episodes, Spongebob, and Finding Nemo,

From stuffed puppy dogs and stuffed Nemos,

From river rafting, zoo trips, aquarium trips, family trips,

From nights spent reading The Three Little Billy Goats, Goodnight Moon

From moments spent outdoors flying kites, playing basketball, and throwing balls,

From the sports stands, the car line, robotics events, the graduations with black gowns,

I am from the cemetery beside my mother’s and my father’s caskets, all at once a little girl again,

I am from new promises, new jobs, new friends, and a new moment to walk down that aisle.

I am from new relationships in which I find love and companionship,

With friends who have encouraged, loved, and supported,

The woman who knows the truth about herself finally,

I am from butterfly promises that arrive as I push out of the chrysalis,

I am from dandelion wishes that are blown with hope and dreams,

I am the dragon stretching her wings,

I am the Phoenix, rising up from the ashes.