Rules of the Game

Many of my fondest childhood memories took place around a dining room table with cards or dice or plastic play pieces in my hands.  Thoughts of Yahtzee, cribbage, Tri-ominoes, Life, Kings in the Corner, and Uno make me smile.  From those moments with my grandma and sister, I learned “naught” meant zero, I learned how to add and subtract in my head, and I learned that the game was not over until it was truly over.

I, too, have loved to play games with my boys.  We have spent hours moving our cars around the Life gameboard, throwing dice for a Large Straight in Yahtzee, watching the marbles of Kerplunk fall, and laughing as we played Old Maid (as Jonathan always tried to trick us but never could.)

Our lives truly are THE GAME OF LIFE.  We may not have plastic cars to ride around in, and we may not arrive at Millionaire Estates or Countryside Acres.  However, we each are playing at least our own version of the game of life.

The roll of dice and the luck of the draw determine some of the reality of life.

However, what I didn’t realize at age 35—and have had to recognize again and again in the last 15 years—is that some of us are playing with different rules. 

We may be playing with the same game pieces, with the same fake money, and with the same dice, but we are in reality playing a different game because the rules are different.  

Unfortunately, in the past, I attributed to everyone else the same goals, the same purpose, and the same rules of the game as mine.

Some play the real game of life like Jonathan used to play Old Maid.  He would stick the Old Maid card ½” out in front of all the other cards in his hand to make sure that you would take it.  He wanted me to lose and he would laugh out loud when I picked it.

While it was cute in a small child because he was so very obvious and the stakes of losing were low, there are adults out there who want me to lose in real life. 

They don’t want my best, they don’t care about the greater good, they don’t care about what is right or fair or just.  They truly just want to win.

The problem is that now the stakes are not just an Old Maid card in the hand.  The stakes are much more serious.   

While I am not suggesting that I throw my rule book in the toilet or in the fire pit on our patio deck because what is the use if all this is true, what I have now just learned is my rules TRULY DON’T apply to everyone else.

The rules only apply to me.

Instead of trying to be the scorekeeper for everyone, the only one I am responsible for is myself.  I am not the banker of the game, the referee of a game who will blow the whistle, or the adult making sure the kids stay in line.

I am responsible for my own game piece.  I am responsible for my own movement forward, backward, and sideways.

All I can do is play the best I can.  All I can do is ignore the others along the way who appear to be getting ahead on the gameboard.  The end is not in sight yet.  The game is not over until it is over.

It’s hard.  I definitely would be the very last one to say otherwise.

However, remembering that I am only responsible for following the game rules I have for myself, I can live in peace. I can live looking myself in the mirror and realizing I have lived with integrity. 

Yes, the destruction caused by loss in the game can be devastating. It would be easy to say “I give up” or “I’ll never play again.”  It would be easy to pack the game up and just head into the other room to sulk.

However, the rewards may just be around the corner if I continue following my rule book and doing what I know is essential to ME. 

The second Yahtzee may be in the next roll.  The straight I have been looking for may put me over the top.  The spin on the Life spinner may be the perfect number the next time.

Spin with me.  I haven’t felt like doing it recently, but I will keep on spinning.  Let’s play.

My New Game Rules

Own my piece.

•  Recognize the power I have in picking my own game piece—the iron, the old maid, the race car, or the superhero.  I have the power to change my piece when I want/need to.
•  Focus only on my piece and what my piece is doing. Pay little attention to anyone else’s piece or actions.
•  Remember I am only responsible for the movement and condition of my piece, not anyone else’s.
•  Protect my piece.  Listen to it.  Trust it.
•  Move my piece with care.  My piece is important.
•  Allow no one to alter my piece without my permission and complete awareness.

Own my rules.

•  Recognize that my rules are my rules.  Other people have different rules that do not apply to me.
•  Remind myself I am only responsible for following the rules I have been given.
•  Own up if I break a rule.  Then move on.  The past is the past.

Own my spot.

•  Focus on my current spot.
• Look at the finish but focus only on where my game piece is currently located.
• Fill that spot.  Enjoy that spot.  Breathe in that spot.  Rest in that spot.
• Do not worry about anyone else’s spot or how much farther they look like they are.  Their rules may be different than mine.
•  Stand strong.  When others try to knock me off my spot, hang on.  When others try to completely pack up my game or knock it on the floor, hang on.

Own my spin.

• Know that the spin may work in my favor.  Enjoy the spin.  Live in the victory of the moment.
• Realize that my value is not reflected in the spin—good or bad.
• Realize that my actions may not have caused the spin—good or bad.
•  Be prepared for the times the spin will not work in my favor.  It is only one spin.
•  Keep spinning.  No matter what.

Own my finish.

• Keep my finish in sight.
• Realize that there are many turns and detours and “time outs” in the game.
• Recognize that reaching my finish may be different than I expect.
• Realize that the finish is only MY finish.  My finish does not look like anyone else’s.
• Focus on the idea that the finish may be closer than what it appears or may be farther away than what it appears.

I GET ONE GAME.  PLAY IT TO THE FULLEST.